Best Ways to Flirt with the Court Jester Before He’s Killed by The King Because His Only Joke Involves Throwing a Fish Around

'Twas a goode joke whilst it lasted

By Tavern Wench Catherine Weingarten

So many lasses have a thing for Court Jesters because of their amazing jokes, like throwing a fish around or picking a magick card out of a fish. 

But unfortunately some court jesters are not born with the funnie bone. One such example is Jester Yorick, whomst doth suck because all his jokes involve tossing a fish. Surely, all the lords and ladies at court enjoy a goode fish-throwing gag from tyme to tyme, but after a while the Great Hall starts to stink and ‘tis tyme to kill the jester to make way for somme fresh material. 

At the same tyme, one may find Jester Yorick’s fish-throwing as quite attractive and, realizing thou hast limited tyme in which to court him prior to his execution, need to devise strategems to make thy move. Readest below to find tippes on how to flirt with Jester Yorick before The King kills him because he sucks at jestering.

1. Mention thy love for humour. Sayeth very loudly in his presence, “Humour be hotter to me than a public beheading! I appreciate the effort, even if a man isn’t too funny but is the Court Jester and is thus in proximity to power.”

2. Pull a trick of thine own. When he asks thee if thou wants to see a card trick that involves tossing a fish around in a pile of cards, tell him yea, but that thou shall to use thine own card deck. When he looks down he’ll notice that on each card thou wrote, “Thou art hotte.” Unfortunately, he can’t read and will moste likely just continue tossing a fish, but who knows?

3. Doest a silly jig. During The King’s Ball, instead of dancing with Count Reginald who hath his eye on thee, approach Jester Yorick and do a silly jig to rise his spirits. If he tells thee, “Oh, I am in a melancholy state and hate dancing,” just tellest him thou hast a carp back in thy room that he can toss about if he wishes, and his spirits are sure to rejuvenate. 

4. A meat jest. Gettest a cutte of venison and throw it at him and say, “I’m happy to MEAT thee, Jester Yorick.” If he’s confused by the jest because he only understands fish-throwing jokes, just start making out with him.

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Catherine Weingarten is a NYC based tavern wench whose etchings have appeared in McSweeney’s. Seeth more at Catherineplaywright.ninja.