6 Festive Ways To Lose Thy Fingers This Winter
The season of icy despair doth descend upon us. For the Kingdom’s labourers, that means thou shalt lose at least a finger to the frosts, as thou dost every year. But ’tis no reason to fret, for there beeth many festive ways to lose thy fingers in keeping with the spirit of winter!
Snowball fight. So The King punished thy village and banned thee from possessing weapons, and now thou needs to fend off a pack of savage wolves? Tossing snowballs at the wolves ist a fun way to keep them at bay. But snow projectiles shall only hold them off as long as thou can keep throwing, so thy snowbattle may continue for days. This will surely cause thy fingers to freeze off if they aren’t eaten by wolves in the end.
A-sleighing. For the peasants whomst live on the Kingdom’s borders, transporting thy harvest overland so it may be deposited in the Royal Pantry is a difficult task in any season, but especially when there beeth multiple feet of snow in which to trudge. In fact, most peasants die on the journey (who cares!). But if thou art wealthy enough to afforde a sleigh and pack animal, thou can make this difficult journey through the snow with no loss but a finger or two.
Building a Snow King. The King is so mighty and grand that building His Likeness out of snow may take weeks. This is why His Majesty hath dozens of artisans in His employ specifically for the task of building Snow Kings ’round all the towns. But ’tis also illegal to let a Snow King melt, so come Springtyme most of these artisans shall lose their fingers trying to prevent this.
Waxing the Royal Skïs. The edges of the Royal Skïs beeth sharper than broadswords, and many a skïwaxer hath lost a finger in so waxing. Not that His Majesty shouldst e’er stoop so low as to participate in winter sports like some sort of regular, howe’er!
Throwing snowballs at mounted knights. Many peasant children enjoy pelting Royal Army Patrols with snowballs out of jest. The knights quite enjoy the chase, too! The punishment when caught is quite lenient and simply involves the chopping of a fingertip.
Standard frostbite. Sometymes winter toil just beeth winter toil, and thou loses a finger from a standard case of frostbite. At least thy lyfe doth not matter!