Many of The King’s subjects doth complain that He burneth down too many villages, oftentymes seemingly at random. But we ensureth thee, any villages The King hath burned down were entirely justified. His Majesty hath proclaimed so Himself! The following art some examples of The King’s justness.
Peasanton. This village wast populated entirely with peasants, and thus ’twas within The King’s Royal Prerogative to do with it what He please, as peasants don’t have souls.
Knobb’s Puddle. A subject here wast rumoured to have been spreading false rumours about The King’s practice of burning villages for sport. The village was thusly incinerated to prevent the spreading of more rumours.
Bumblesnick. The freemen here wast practicing paganism and idolizing false kings.
Wortshoby Spyre. The King hadst no particular reason for burning this one to ash, but clearly God willed it.
Itchlyvilletownship. Okay, The King actually did burn this one for sport. But the survivors were later forcibly enlisted in His Army and died honourably in the Crusade, thus serving an ultimately positive purpose for which their souls oweth the King a debt of gratitude.
God saveth The King!
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