4 Helmets that Won’t Stop the Arrow Flying Towards Thy Skull but Will Look Pretty Cool Up Until that Point
E’eryone knows the most important thing about being a soldier is looking cool. ‘Tis especially important for the infantry, since they’re all basically unpaid peasants whose only job is to stand there in a massed formation until they’re killed, and there’s really nothing else for them to look forward to in this lyfe.
So if thou art a peasant soldier, herein be somme helmets that will not stop the barrage of arrows flying towards thy skull, but will nonetheless make thee look jolly cool up until that point.
Some may argue that the Kettle Hat ist nigh on useless, since it provides little to no facial protection, ist made of the cheapest of scrap metals, and always falls off when thou leans over. And they are correct. But they are inexpensive and doth offer some fanciful styling when thy spearmen and thee are standing round looking up dumbfounded at the incoming arrow volley. They can also be used for boiling water or stew if thou can manage to find any potable water or firewood or food in the horrid swamp where thy regiment is encamped.
Kettle Hat with Eyeslits
Same as the Kettle Hat, but with eyeslits. Cool if thou prefers to be shot in the eyes.
Ye Olde Conehelm
Distinguished by the obnoxious protruding cone atop it, Ye Olde Conehelm ist not ideal for surviving an arrow volley. If anything, it is more likely to cause thy death sooner, since it protrudes above the rest of the formation and makes thee a bigger target. But at least thou shalt look sharp prior to thy demise!
There be no practical value whatsoever to the fancy metallic twirl atop this helmet. Unless thou values the compliments everyone pays thee for thy cool helmet as thou layeth dying with an arrow in thy skull.